Two weeks into Veganuary:
Damn, this is actually much tougher than I thought it would be.
I knew cutting out cheese, eggs, lactose-free milk, and milk chocolate would be hard, but I didn’t expect it to be this challenging.
I’ve been a vegetarian for a while, and with my sensitive stomach and many different diagnoses here and there – I already have a restricted diet, I thought I could have been somewhat prepared. But already having limited options just makes this whole being vegan thing even more limiting and challenging.
After years of experimenting with different diets, visiting renowned doctors, undergoing tests, and trying countless medications, I was left with a complicated relationship with food, struggling with an eating disorder.
Somehow, I slowly managed to accept and adapt to these limitations, navigating my way around them. I chose to accept the way my body functions – fuck modern medicine – befriending my own digestive system and sticking to a limited diet and natural remedies that works for me. But little did I know that taking on to this veganuary challenge would teach me that I still have so much to yet manage, accept, adapt, and relearn.
When I decided to take on the Veganuary challenge, I was curious to see how my body would react to a fully vegan diet. Honestly, it’s been more limiting than I expected. There have been moments of weakness – skipping meals entirely or giving in to a cheese sandwich or a tiny piece of non-vegan chocolate. Oh boyy do I miss greek yogurt and ice cream. Checking labels on packaged snacks has made me realize how many ingredients I should be mindful of. In a way, it’s teaching me a deeper level of consciousness and mindfulness about what I put into my body, even though I thought I was already quite aware. (Perhaps it’s a humble reminder that there is always space for more work to be done).
I’m struggling, slowly trying to find the balance between being mindful and not being overly fixated on what to eat and what not to eat. My busy and hectic schedule makes it hard to meal prep consistently and ensure I get proper nutrition. I feel guilty because I know there are plenty of recipes I could try- I even subscribed to Veganuary emails for ideas, and having Steve share with me vegan recipes and ideas- but I can’t seem to commit to meal prepping. Some days are easier than others, but overall, it’s been a real challenge.
Following a vegan diet in Egypt definitely adds an extra challenge. In terms of practicality, vegan substitutes are not really available everywhere and even when they are, they seem to be more expensive than non-vegan options which 1. sucks big time and 2. Isn’t really making this any bloody easier.
Living in an Egyptian household, with my grandmother constantly reminding me that anything other than meat, chicken, eggs, and milk isn’t real food – saying things like, “You’re like a tiny bird, eating bird food” – makes it harder. It gets even trickier when I’m invited to other Egyptian households where I’m expected to eat, but there’s usually not much that’s vegan.
On top of that, having people around me already worried about my health get even more concerned that I’m not eating well or getting enough nutrients just makes the whole thing even more difficult.
Even though I don’t think I’m doing a great job at being vegan, but still, the fact that I was willing to challenge myself (and still willing to continue the rest of the challenge) I need to acknowledge that stepping into this challenge, knowing it might trigger my eating disorder and wouldn’t be easy on me, my body, and my stomach, is something worth mentioning in itself. I remind myself to be gentle, especially on the days when I stumble.
Gentle reminder and reflection:
Growth isn’t always perfect or linear-sometimes it’s just about showing up and being willing to try, even when it’s so damn hard.
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